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Posted on 2009.03.31 at 00:44
Current Distraction: Ra Ra Riot
sold off all my CDs and i still can't find any work and i've been living on top ramen and popcorn for so long i can't feel my tongue anymore Where are all these people my age getting the time and money to pseudo-slum it in Eurotrash clubs and then post on Facebook about all the art openings they're going to? Seriously pissing me off.

Posted on 2009.01.28 at 16:27
Somebody stole my Ralph Nader bumper sticker. Who would do such a thing? I can't imagine it was a politically motivated act. Everybody around here is so conservative that they are generally of the "fine, you liberal idealist wiener, throw your vote to us" attitude. I can't imagine it was the work of some shithead kid because what shithead kid has heard of Ralph Nader? But it must have been a shithead someone because whoever did it left a mess behind where the sticker stripped off. Why must my car be constantly vandalized? My car never did anything to anybody. I never did anything to anybody, at least not to anybody who would retaliate. It's not even a remotely smug expensive car that begs for (and in my opinion deserves) vandalism. Yet my car has been repeatedly broken into, egged, etc. I blame the same American bad-sportism/sense of entitlement/culture of rage that leads people to murder their families because they got laid off from their crappy jobs, probably through some fault of their own, sometimes while dressed up in a Santa Claus costume and usually wielding a modified assault rifle.

Posted on 2009.01.21 at 15:47
I didn't get exploded from the package from China. It was a boxed set of seasons 1-4 of "Boston Legal" on DVD.

Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment at the exact moment I would have liked to have been at home glued to the television. I've always been a news junkie and despite the fact that I bitched about Barack Obama a lot and didn't vote for him either in the primary or the general (I voted for Clinton in the primary and Nader in the general) I was as excited as everyone else seemed to be, judging by their Facebook status messages. Anyway I had to do a lot of running out to the car to listen to the radio. Conversely, the man in the waiting room next to me was bitching loudly about Caroline Kennedy and her elite liberal naive isolated Upper West Side lifestyle. This, from a man who I am surprised knows what the Upper West Side is, has probably never been out of California, and who also probably thinks lawyer jokes are funny. When I finally got through with my appointment, though, there was a man in the lobby, a black man, all wired up to his little portable radio, who caught my eye while I was at the counter booking my next appointment, and we simultaneously grinned at each other. It was a nice We Are The World moment. I wonder how he knew I was one of the seven registered Democrats in Fresno County just by looking at me.

Posted on 2009.01.17 at 20:05
Also, tell them I was a cowboy. I got a package today from China, requiring special pick-up at the post office at 7.15 am, which is approximately the size and shape of a kilo of...something. I am not expecting any mail from China. I have emailed Amazon and asked them if my one outstanding order from them was, for some reason, supposed to originate from China, packaged mysteriously (but sturdily, as if it might need to survive a journey in a speedboat) and with everything written in Chinese characters, including the receipt. I'm just saying this so that if I die of a virus or am exploded or develop radiation poisoning or disappear, six or seven people will know what to tell the FBI.

Posted on 2008.08.26 at 17:22
My mom was looking for something in her jewelry box (don't get any ideas, it's wooden and painted pea green) and found an engraved commemorative buck knife my dad bought for me in 1986 (because every five year old needs a commemorative buck knife) and which she wisely stowed away for me. She let me have it now after I convinced her I am now old enough. We showed it to my dad, who had forgotten all about it, and gleefully played with it while demonstrating its most useful functions and dispensing priceless advice, mainly "never take a knife to a gun fight." The logic of the conversation sort of unspooled after that and I therefore can't recall and repeat it.

Posted on 2008.08.21 at 15:18
I bought them for my aunt for Christmas, because she will like the pictures, but before I thought that she is a 60 year old woman and does not create her identity out of buttons stuck on hoodies...she'll have to find something else to do with them. If I mention that I bought some buttons/badges at the place where I bought the buttons/badges (www.buttonbistro7.etsy.com) one my blog and send them the link, I get free ones. So here it is. (They were actually quite nice buttons.)

Posted on 2008.08.13 at 23:00
The President's Mood: distresseddistressed
Have any of you actually ever seen a billion dollar baby? It is a dark and spooky night in the soul of Em Dashing. The last two nights I had dreams about dead animals. The first night, it was dead fish: dead sea creatures, little anemone type sea donuts and actual goldfishes all flopping out of there water container, and I could never manage to scoop them back in, because they wriggled and fought and were slimy or because I could barely bear to try to help. I realized after I woke up that I've had this dream several times before, it's probably quite a common dream among people in general, it just seems more meaningful this time.

Last night it was wolves and foxes. Baby foxes. Dead baby foxes that I remember feeling terriffied of, but then someone said, "How could anyone hurt a baby fox? Who would do that? They're not to be scared of." I don't exactly remember, maybe I was too scared to go back and look at the fox.

These seem extra meaningful. I haven't had one of my nightmares, at least not one that I could remember the next morning (I know I had one, at least, an awful one, one of the apocalypse ones, and at least two falling from high, high, high and then landing on hard concrete...I wonder if that is the one way one can dream one's own death all the way through), not so much of the water ones. There are others, but no one asked for a classics reel of nightmares I've had since I was three years old.

I've been thinking about my dream maps a lot today.

Posted on 2008.08.10 at 15:44
The President's Mood: depresseddepressed

One of the things I need to learn to do before I die is tie a necktie. Today, I learned how to tie a fundoshi. (If you learn better by video, you're in luck.)

I feel very bummed and bored despite the fundoshi. There seems to be nothing else on the internet to capture my attention for any long period of time, or anything in any place that isn't the internet. I've done a lot of window shopping, submitted a very early Christmas list to my mom, and even mended my underpants (regular American kind). Most of the flowers in the  yard have died. I am bored and sad.

Posted on 2008.08.02 at 20:06
What I should be doing instead:: working on a top secret project
The President's Mood: soresore
Current Distraction: Neurotic Outsiders

I spent part of the day (the part not sleeping, so essentially "spent the day") looking up quotations. The best ones were Mark Twain, and the best Twains were:

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."


"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kind and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."

I also removed my Hillary sticker from my bumper (I'm mad at Hillary—she made every mistake in the Big Book of Democrat Mistakes) and proudly replaced it with my Nader/Gonzalez sticker. I have spent much of the last two days trying to convince my mother to vote for Nader (if he gets on the ballot in California), because she dislikes Senator Smarmy just as much as I do, and we can only talk about it to each other because otherwise we sound racist. I would like nothing more than to see a black man—or a black woman!*—in the White House, but NOT Barack Obama. Why not someone with some experience, who hasn't just been groomed by the DNC for the last four years? Anyway, I digress. My mom is almost there. She keeps saying she liked Ralph in the 70s or thereabouts, but he's just become too crazy. I tell her he's stayed just the same, and the world's become crazier. Then I remind her that I would probably not be alive but for Mr Nader's safe cars. The point is, I drive the only Ford Taurus within about a hundred miles with a Nader sticker and a Zildjian sticker, and even though I don't look like a punk anymore, I dare any high schooler to come up with a better record collection.

*NOT Oprah—maybe Phylicia Rashad?

Posted on 2008.08.01 at 15:16
The President's Mood: in pain
Franz Mesmer Collapse )

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